India By The Numbers

Weeks in India: 6
Number of Bollywood Films Seen: 2 (Love Aaj Kal & Kambakht Ishq)
Number of Elephants Showered and Scrubbed (by hand): 2
Number of Elephants who returned the favor (by trunk): 1
Number of available train tickets in all of India:  0, by our count
Number of trains taken: 5
Population of India:  A billion or so
Population of Indian Tigers:  1400ish.
Pounds of Samosas consumed:  Hard to say — A lot.
Above consumed while on trains:  The majority.
Modes of transportation utilized:  Car, Bicycle, Train, Plane, Foot, Ferry, Houseboat, Canoe, Bus, Ganges Rowboat, Horse, Elephant, Ambassador (it’s way more than just a car), Rickshaw
Number of times Teo was attacked by a cow:  1
Number of cows that walked peacefully past:  at least 500
Size of the lump on his thigh:  Grapefruit-plus
Number of known moose-sized spiders lurking in our hotel rooms: 1
Number of unknown lurking moose-sized (or better) spiders:  Too terrifying to even consider
What we did about it:  Nothing.  Short of a wrestling match, we had no other option.
Occasions on which we had to sprint away from wild elephants in the forest:  1
Position in group of our armed guide as we were running away:  Way Out Front
Percentage of tip withheld as a result:  100%
Number of super-sexy knee high leech prevention socks utilized:  4
Number of leeches: Again, we choose not to consider
Size of leech found attached to Mona’s calf:  Quarter
Weeks it has continued to itch: 3
Level of Teo’s bravery in removing it, on a scale of 1(low)-10(high):  2
Number of gods worshipped in India:  3 million-plus, by some counts.
Number of times Teo was almost ‘offered’ to the god Kali over a fiery furnace:  1
Extracted cost for the opportunity:  100 rupees
Price of 1 kilo mangoes:  30-50 rupees
Weight, in kilos, of mangoes we consumed: 30, at least
Price of 100 grams of the best Darjeeling Tea in India: 400 rupees
Price of 1 brand new HM Ambassador car:  $10,000 USD
Reason we don’t own one right now, even though we need a car:  Only available with right-hand drive.
Average length of inseam in “Ali-Baba Pants”, the latest backpacker craze: 30 inches, but this number goes up the farther north one travels.
Teo’s level of angst provoked by above pants:  Substantial
Number of Turbans purchased: 2
Cost to have turbans prepared for shipping in a handsewn muslin parcel, sealed with red sealing wax: 75 rupees
Level of enjoyment Mona recieved from this package:  At least equal to the turbans inside
Number of rowers on a Nehru Trophy competitive Snake Boat:  100
Percentage with a Mustache, Tank Top and Ankle Length Skirt (lungi):  100%
Rank of India among the world’s MPNs (Mustache Producing Nations):  1